According to Bernardo Carducci (Shyness: The New Solution, in “Psychology Today”, January, 2000), 75% of the general population present a shy conduct while being engaged by strangers. In other words three in every four people find it difficult to fully and objectively connect in society. That said, shy people aren’t the exception in the big picture, on the contrary, they make up the great majority of human kind.
Shyness, under a clinical point of view, isn’t considered a disease, although, in a pronounced level, it may bring some psychosomatic complications. Shy people’s biggest problems are social ones. Shyness is basically a “communication problem”, and therefore – much easier to be understood and worked on – “correcting shyness” is possible.
“Lapses in education” are the main cause to having problems in human relationships; people react with shyness because they didn’t learn how to correctly engage in a social environment.
That “lapse in education” causes the person to formulate and/or admit preconceptions that end up turning into beliefs, and interfering directly in the decision-making process of the individual, leading him to run away, be absent, in silence or submissive when it’s time to make a decision or simply communicate.
It’s perfectly possible to “fix” these “lapses” through a support group that gives the individual strength and confidence which he needs to acquire a new learning system.
Fear, anxiety and prejudice are responsible for 90% of human suffering and most people coexist with these feelings all their lives, some with ease and others with some level of difficulty. Shyness is determined by the way the shy person reacts to their own feelings and to the exposition in the social environment.
Our fears are mental projections formulated from painful experiences in our pasts (that experience could’ve been real or imaginary). The desire of not feeling the same pain once again creates an intellectual/emotional barrier of sorts that stops us from acting rationally when a similar situation presents itself to us. This “shuffles” our nervous system and triggers a whole set of well-known reactions, like cold sweat, increased heartbeat, tremors, etc., although most of the time nothing occurs beyond these discomforts.
Everybody has fears, some more, some less, but the people that deal very well with them aren’t in any way better than others who can’t. They just weren’t affected in the same way and learned to coordinate their internal actions in order to get away with confidence and safety from the emotional traps that freeze human behaviour through reflex and involuntary reactions.
Anxiety is related to the quality and intensity of our expectations regarding the environment, things and people all around us. It results from the non-acceptance of the fact that we are impotent regarding the capability to modify the course of certain events. This creates conflicts between our will and the reality around us, bringing frustration and pain.
Prejudices are pre-established beliefs and imprecise judgments, creating intellectual barriers inherited or built from false judgments. They arise because every human being thinks he must have explanations to everything his senses perceive.
Shyness is a state of anxiety deflagrated from our fears and prejudices, mostly linked to other people’s appearance. When we modify those people's images (replacing prejudice with a new concept, more coherent and consistent), that fear stops making sense.
According to Metamorfose Centre, the power that can transform a person is the knowledge acquired through coping with new realities, replacing some pre-conceived “ideas” with others that are articulated based on the trust and support that they receive, to allow themselves to live new adventures, without the expectation of results or judgment. The benefits are immediate.
In this world there are people who are tall, short, fat, thin, bald, chatty, cult, careless, who have piercings, that wear a suit or jeans, that expose or preserve themselves, religious or not, observant, extravagant, shy, politicised, ignorant, discreet, indiscreet, greedy, curious, skilful, happy, bitter, wasteful, gossips, eccentrics, that like sports, music, that like everything or that like nothing.
Look around you and you’ll see so many different types of people. Some look like you, some look like somebody else, and others don't look like anybody at all... People like us have dreams, hopes, virtues, flaws, are poets, scientists, mediums, supportive people, selfish people, fanatic, strong , weak, doctors or not, people that sing, dance, scream, cry, protest, that have calluses, dandruffs, heartburns, ingrown nails... There are so many differences that it’s impossible to find two perfectly equal individuals; every one of us has their own type, mannerisms, habits, flaws and virtues. Nobody is better, nobody is worst; everybody is different, everybody is special. That said, trying to copy a "quality pattern" established by other person is the same as denying our own importance in the world. After all it is our differences that make us unique.
Without those differences we lose our identity. There are billions of human beings in his world and nobody has your particular signature, nobody has eyes like yours, your fingerprints, the DNA in your hair. Your pet is capable of identifying your smell even in the middle of a soccer stadium full of stinky fanatics. Your little pet knows that your smell is unique and special... What value does that have to you?
Therefore don't wish to be like somebody else. Just improve even more your qualities and differences.
The crucial question that follows shy people is: "what will people think of me?" This concern with "what others will think", is very similar to the idea of common fear, that fear people have of cockroaches, dark rooms, evil spirits, etc. It's the concern with the danger, the bad things that can happen. But this concern is a merely idealistic projection that has no logic, most of the time; it's just a product of our imagination. However, even if it is a byproduct of our imagination, it's real; it exists, in fact, in our minds.
"Imagination is more powerful than knowledge"
All of our fears have the same source. In fact, the fear is ingrown in animals themselves (reptilian complex). It's fear that ensures the survival of species; he makes the production of adrenaline rise and prepares us for combat or for escape when facing a dangerous situation. If human kind didn't feel fear they wouldn't survive. Everybody feels fear, everybody. The most important thing is to learn how to keep that fear under control, without listening to the destructive and sabotaging fantasies and imagination, not letting the imagination create more than it should.
Through Groups of Journey to the Heart, in Metamorfose Centre, people who think of themselves as shy can learn any ways to control and even surpass their anxiety, with the trust and emotional support built inside the group.
Come and get to know Metamorfose Centre. Your life will change. On Metamorfose you can trust!